Why I'm not sensitiveFeb 23, 2020
Sensitive is such a loaded term.
It means I'm less than, more susceptible to, or thin-skinned.
It tells the world I am somewhere lower on the scale of what I "should" be; to the left of what I could be if I was normal or up-to-scratch. It compares me to my potential.
Ha! Potential. Another loaded term.
Loaded with what was and what is yet to become true. What is yet to be revealed or disseminated from the rough malformed whole of who I am now. A now that is wholly unacceptable except as a point on the path from where I began to where I am going if and only if I stay the course.
Yes, I feel things that others claim not to.
Yes, I see things others claim not to.
Yes, I know things others claim not to.
And yes, I speak things unknown to me;
...but if the question is, "why do you sense changes in barometric pressure when such things are beyond the abilities of human perception?" then the answer is not "because I am sensitive".
He calls me a sensitive bean. And that's delightful. Simply adorable! For I am much loved. And yet I am not sensitive.
Sensitive is the point of awareness that varies from the norm (whatever that is). The anomaly. The freak of nature with a special gift that not everyone can access. The oracle that must live on the outskirts of town to avoid the loudness of other people's lives or the shaman who sees beyond the scope of those who do the everyday work of community life.
Sensitive is organic food and unpredictable emotional responses. It's hormonal imbalances and electromagnetic contamination. The GMO|gluten|dairy|sugar-free child that must be kept away from cupcakes and white bread at birthday parties.
Sensitive is being socially challenged, afraid of the world outside your front door, overwhelmed by the potency of everyday interactions. It's a kind of medical condition, a personality issue, or a spiritual deficiency. It's never exactly who you're meant to be.
Why is that?
Why is it never who you're meant to be? Why does it always have to be about the need to protect yourself (from spirits and energies and other people's stuff)? Why is there a prescription for healing the way that you are, the way that you show up and know the world?
Why is always a problem to overcome or a gift to be shared once you figure out how to make yourself stronger in the face of all that you pick up with your sensitivity? Why can't it just be what is perfect about being me, here, now?
Why is it such an issue if I can't keep a schedule that makes other people's lives easier? I like the randomness of how I live. I accept the sacredness of how I show up. I enjoy the adventure of all the sensations and not knowing that I experience every day.
Don't you want me to be true to myself? Don't you want me to honour who I am unconditionally? Or are you more interested in what makes your life easier with me in it? More interested in how you might change me to fit your ideal of what I could be if I wasn't so me?
Perhaps it would be easier for your business if I could answer your questions with language that makes sense to you. And maybe our conversations would feel more like your concept of flow if I saw the world as separate and in trouble. But I don't, and I won't, and I can only do what I can with what I have - and this is what I have!
This is who I am and I don't have a problem with it. I'm not sensitive, I have the exact amount of everything I need to have. I have the perfect food needs for my purpose. I have the divine level of energy required for right now in this moment according to the wholeness of all that is.
I am not sensitive. I'm me 100% unfiltered, no apologies.
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